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Literature Text
I lost my words today
They eloped in the night with all my good ideas
In the early hours of the morning I saw things skipping across the sidewalk
and then curving up into the air like dry leaves on a windy day
Now I know that it was them.
I greeted my sidewalk kindly this afternoon
and tried to step more softly
But I don’t think it understood my sympathies
My mouth houses its own dry sidewalk, now,
and my fingers have danced restlessly across empty pages
for hours, all day
When I try to write I cry.
Tonight I’ll leave a bowl of porridge on my stoop
And maybe in the morning my words will be waiting for me
Sparkling like stars on the kitchen table
And singing like the stars
They eloped in the night with all my good ideas
In the early hours of the morning I saw things skipping across the sidewalk
and then curving up into the air like dry leaves on a windy day
Now I know that it was them.
I greeted my sidewalk kindly this afternoon
and tried to step more softly
But I don’t think it understood my sympathies
My mouth houses its own dry sidewalk, now,
and my fingers have danced restlessly across empty pages
for hours, all day
When I try to write I cry.
Tonight I’ll leave a bowl of porridge on my stoop
And maybe in the morning my words will be waiting for me
Sparkling like stars on the kitchen table
And singing like the stars
Wrote it in calculus class ^^
© 2003 - 2024 aberamonli
Comments14
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hmmm.... i think the repition of "stars" in these last too lines
(Sparkling like stars on the kitchen table
And singing like the stars)
limits the flow of the piece. however, if you want the general smoothness of the writing to be stopped abruptley by a jolt, you've got the effect. maybe you could try to end it with a slightly different simile in the second last line (Sparkling like _____ on the kitchen table) because the stopping jolt is only achieved due to the akwardness of saying the same word twice.
or how about:
"Sparkling and singing like stars
On the kitchen table"
it just sounds more conclusive and has more of a finality to it; that is, if you can say that about two simple lines
Other than that, i really like the imagery and depth, almost personification, you prortray in these three lines:
"I greeted my sidewalk kindly this afternoon
and tried to step more softly
But I don’t think it understood my sympathies"
(Sparkling like stars on the kitchen table
And singing like the stars)
limits the flow of the piece. however, if you want the general smoothness of the writing to be stopped abruptley by a jolt, you've got the effect. maybe you could try to end it with a slightly different simile in the second last line (Sparkling like _____ on the kitchen table) because the stopping jolt is only achieved due to the akwardness of saying the same word twice.
or how about:
"Sparkling and singing like stars
On the kitchen table"
it just sounds more conclusive and has more of a finality to it; that is, if you can say that about two simple lines
Other than that, i really like the imagery and depth, almost personification, you prortray in these three lines:
"I greeted my sidewalk kindly this afternoon
and tried to step more softly
But I don’t think it understood my sympathies"